The first thing that I noticed about the distinguished-looking gentlemen who met us at the entrance to the garden of the Quaker Meeting House was his yellow scarf, visible above the lapels of his smart overcoat. After a very wet and chilly March morning, the afternoon of the memorial meeting remained cool enough for overcoats. The gentleman directed us towards the Quaker Meeting House along a path through a neat, lush garden. Another Quaker met us at the entrance and directed us to the main meeting room.
Both daughters of E, whose memorial meeting we had been invited to that afternoon, were delighted to see us. My wife used to work with E many years ago. We kept in touch when E and her husband moved from Birmingham to Yorkshire, visiting them from time to time. As we chatted to their daughters, I noticed how the meeting room was set out: concentric circles of chairs, sufficient to accommodate all those attending.
We chose seats in the outer circle and waited for the meeting to begin. It soon became apparent that there is no formal structure to a Quaker memorial meeting. The brief introduction, by (I think) one of the Elders, explained that the purpose of the meeting is to allow anyone who wished to share their thoughts about E to stand and address those assembled, allowing time between contributions for contemplation and remembrance.
The meeting progressed in this way, with family members amongst the first to speak, followed by friends old and new. An atmosphere of stillness and reflection on E’s long life could be readily felt in the long silences, adding to the emotion and spirit of the meeting.
My wife addressed the meeting, saying: “When I was a new girl at work, E kindly took me under her wing. When she heard that we lived nearby, she invited us to their house on many occasions – so very hospitable.” She then read out a contribution provided by an old friend of E who was unable to travel the long distance to the meeting.
A few moments later, I added a brief reflection of my memories of E: “She was a life-long campaigner. I feel privileged to have met her and her husband.”
After several further contributions, the meeting came to a natural close with the shaking of hands with our seated neighbours.
E attended and worshipped regularly at the Quaker Meeting House. After the meeting, over a cup of tea, sandwiches and cake, my wife and I were able to chat briefly with E’s daughters. We speculated about what E would have made of all that had been said about her. We also shared out thoughts about E with people that we had not met previously, before we said our goodbyes to both daughters and took our leave.
As we walked the short distance back to our hotel, the uplifting feeling that we felt during the memorial meeting continued as we walked slowly along the quiet street in silence.
Our friend E made many friends from all corners of the world, campaigned for Amnesty International, raised funds for Christian Aid, and with her husband (who passed away seven years ago) were always hospitable and welcoming to their house in Birmingham and, after their move, in Yorkshire. The Quaker Memorial Meeting was a very moving experience: a unique opportunity to remember E with affection and gratitude by her daughters, granddaughters, friends and family. My wife and I took great comfort and delight in the Quaker way of conducting a memorial. The meeting was inclusive and sad and joyful in equal measure. We feel honoured to have been asked to attend.
David Muir 22nd March 2024
David Muir 